Wednesday, May 30, 2012

god hates fads

the last time i posted a stencil about facial hair (liberation now, january 26th) a hipster deleted me from facebook. eh, it's just facebook...

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Monday, March 19, 2012

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

stencil portrait series: #9

sometimes i'll create special requests. this was for a shannyn sossamon fancier.

Friday, February 17, 2012

i felt that: how to make an ugly felt monster

can't bare to pay $30 for an ugly doll? make your own, one of a kind monster, you creative cheapskate. here's what you'll need:

- pencil, paper, and a good grasp for ugly-cute
- sharp scissors
- felt for the body and maybe extra colors for any details
- sewing needle
- sewing thread
- thick embroidery thread (i like to use contrasting thread colors)
- poly stuffing
- hot glue gun

1. start with a doodle

2. make it actual size, then make sure to give a 1/4" seam allowance for sewing

3. cut out the paper template, then outline it on the felt

4. cut out the felt, pin, and sew up to the points marked in blue. this opening is where you'll a) turn the monster inside-out, then b) stuff it as much as you can, but remember, you're going to have to hand sew this part up so don't get carried away or you'll be sad the guts poop out and get in the way of stitching. (of course, i forgot to take a picture of this step. craps.)

5. i hand topstitched some of the details. it just gives it more personality. this guy is a pirate smoker with a heart of gold.

6. once you're happy with the placement of the details, hot glue them on. you could sew them on if you want, but i like to see them stuffed, then decide exactly where i want everything to be. it's a pain to undo sewing on felt...sometimes, the felt disintegrates and gets ruined. not worth all your hard work.

7. and here we are. this one is going to a birthday pal.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

how to repurpose an old sweatshirt

i have a few blank children's sized, long sleeved sweatshirts in my closet that i more recently rediscovered. i also have a bunch of solid craft felt i use to make little stuffed creatures out of. put them both together, and one can repurpose a sweatshirt with a fun little design. here's how. you'll need:
- a sweatshirt (i don't recommend anything with stretch. the felt will bubble and become uneven as you sew.)
- quilting thread in whatever color you like
- sewing needle
- felt
- paper and pencil
- pins

1. start with a simple sketch. think of the shapes as cookie cut outs. the simpler, the better. 

2. cut the shapes out and place them where you'd like on the garment to get an idea for size and placement. 

3. i like to add some hand stitched detail on mine with contrast thread.

4. place it, then pin it in place.

5. hand sew accordingly and, ta da!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

stencil portrait series: #8

i came home this evening and turned on the tv for the first time all day. i couldn't believe the news flash that whitney houston has passed away. one of my favorite songs of all time is "i wanna dance with somebody". here's to you, WH. RIP.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

jake envy

i have an awkward time receiving compliments. i'm talking kristen stewart awkward. is there a term for adult bashfulness in such a situation? i'm always flattered that someone would want to say something nice to me, and i'm always quick to say, "thank you." but because my words escape me, it seems like my thank you is a sarcastic one. not at all! i want to deflect the conversation from me, ("hey, it that hummus over there? or your tights are indeed cute) and chat about plans for the weekend or how hot alexis krauss is. i don't mind telling you this. i mean, it's just us right kryptonite: compliments from attractive girls. on a recent social outing, a very attractive girl said some lovely words to me that immediately made my hands start to shake as if i was out in the cold - nerves, as i knew my face was about to turn red. i promptly hid them under the table and ordered a drink. unfortunately for me, they didn't serve whiskey...
but the best compliment i've ever received was a night out with my dear friend J. i didn't know anyone at the party, so J introduced me to who she knew. "this is alice. she's my jake ryan." all i could do was smile. sigh, jake ryan. he who has it all: good looks, even greater head of hair, golden life, cherry car, sweater vests, and who gets the girl he's meant to be with in the end. i wish i was jake ryan. i mean, who doesn't want to be jake ryan? so this is my ode to him, and what is to me one of the best movie endings of all time. RIP, john hughes.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Thursday, January 26, 2012

liberation now!

dear ethan/sawyer/mikael/and or joe, 
that beard you've been sporting the last 2 years...well, your girlfriend doesn't want to say this, but she hates the way that porcupine bush pirate feels on her bits. it makes her break out. besides, the ironic look is no longer necessary now that you've added denim keds to your shoe wardrobe. shave, because you look like a total fuck face. 
ps: sorry i drove over your fixie bicycle.
love, alice

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

stencil portrait series: #7

one of the best things to ever come out of a friendship i had at age 19 with a very handsome speed freak was his introduction of russ meyer films. i've only seen a handful, but the 2 that i love and dare say cherish are beyond the valley of the dolls and faster pussycat, kill!...kill! the later, the ultimate race car girl gang. my favorite female character: varla. watch it, you'll see why elvis wanted to make her his own. RIP, tura satana.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

stencil portrait series: #6

like really bad pop music that's played so often, you eventually kind of embrace it, i've been slowly digesting the the physical attributes of steven tyler, though with some hesitance. truth be told, he's got great hair. he's a reason i'm playing around with the idea of growing out my bangs finally. alright, in all seriousness, his features are so exaggerated that i was going to make a stencil out of his glorious face. but, as i started dissecting the shapes, i realized, fuck, he's just going to look like kat von d. nothing wrong with that, just not exactly what i want. and with this conclusion, is how i got to gaga. not a fan of her music, don't know that much about her, but i am somewhat fascinated by her rise. i's called marketing. perhaps m.i.a. said it best:
"None of her music’s reflective of how weird she wants to be or thinks she is. She models herself on Grace Jones and Madonna, but the music sounds like 20-year-old Ibiza music, you know? She’s not progressive, but she’s a good mimic."

Thursday, January 12, 2012

the breaks - planningtorock

i love this song. this video is not for everyone. if you get "the knife", you'll get this. somewhere, gaga is taking hardcore notes.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

worst tattoo. ever.

i admit that i've had a few bad ideas. like when i decided to grow out my arm pit hair this past summer. after 3 weeks of indulgent bohemianism, i showed my friend (a person whom gets electrolysis) my progress. "that is disgusting," she commented. i think she was jealous because all there was to show off was about 10 little, sad, far spaced hairs. it was nothing to be proud of so i shaved them off. then there was last week, when i watched "the help" at my friend's house; no make up except for my liquid eyeliner. i thought it was a feel-good comedy, but just ended up crying off the liner "the crow" style. got a nasty sinus headache that night from blowing my nose so much. side note: i hope viola davis wins an oscar. but those examples are nothing compared with this trophy for all eternity. this guy lost a bet. loser had to take 3 darts, throw them at a "mad-libs" excerpt, and which ever words the darts landed on, he had to get said words tattooed. i wanna say there are no words to describe this. but then again, it's pretty clear: "camel", "mom", and "palm tree". absolute true story, by the way.

Friday, January 6, 2012

things i'm into

i am but a simple person, with simple likes and dislikes. any kind of cheese = like. fruit in my pastries = dislike. anything on the history channel = like. anything with katherine heigl = dislike. see, super simple. here are a few items i like right now.

some people collect 3" plastic dunnies, some people collect broken hearts. i am a collector of all things jacket. this red leather jacket was the cherry find of 2011, and all i had to do was brave black friday. when i was 10 or 11, my dad bought a slim fitted, fire engine red leather jacket (as most people did when "thriller" came out.) i remember he wore it often. once, after working with a gay male client in san francisco, i over heard him tell my mom that said gay complimented my dad on the jacket. i knew that one day, that jacket must be mine. on a recent visit to my parents' house, my mom asked me how that jacket was. i wish i knew. i really do. alas, it was the one that got away.

i got rid of all my faux fur coats right before i moved to nyc. it was just as well. my only closet in my studio apartment back there was no bigger than a california common hallway closet: shallow and thin. so for over a decade, faux fur hasn't existed to me. not until i saw a girl wearing the perfect leopard print coat on a cold winter's night in downtown la a few months ago did i realize that i missed my faux fur. after looking for months at high end and low end stores, i found one i fancy. i plan on wearing this with my red suede, velcro high tops as soon as the weather permits.

i love these shoes. i still haven't broken them in yet, but i plan on it. gonna have to wear them miami vice style: no socks.

this is a treasure. i remember the night i received it like it was yesterday (probably because it was only last month.) it was 3:30 am, i had just bailed my friend out of huntington beach jail (i can just hear her now, griping, "you're mentioning jail? shoot my face!") for the record, that place was a motherfucker to find. i had to call the joint 4 times to find the walkway. thought they were pranking me with their crumby directions - crap punishment, guilt by association, i say. after driving her to her car which was left where they arrested her, (less than a mile from her house; bummer luck) she came to my drivers' side window, a box in hand. "hey, i think you might like this," she said, as she handed it to me. i opened the box, to see another box within another box, then finally, this lovely pocket watch. maybe it was the half bag of snickers minis and the bottle of spring water i greeted her with as she walked out free from the other side of the jail ward, or the fact that i just lost my bail bond virginity at approximately 2 am tuesday morning, or that time served in prison really effects you; whatever the reason, she presented me such a cool time piece that i love, a giving gesture that oddly goes hand in hand forever with an unforgettable event associated with the bailing out of a city inmate.